Meme Ficlets
by ZeldaAddict42
Summary: Short pieces written for a LiveJournal meme.  There are still request spots open, by the way.  Various characters. T blanket rating but individually marked, too.
1. Unmentionables, T

**Title:** Unmentionables  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Pairing:** Zoro x Nami  
**Words:** 777 (Jackpot! :D)  
**Prompt:** Undergarments/bras  
**Rating:** T/PG-13  
**Warnings:** Discussion of body parts and a little swearing.

Nami shivered miserably as she locked the bathroom door. She had just come off the first night watch during a Grand Line freak snowstorm. The Going Merry's open crow's nest was probably the least pleasant place Nami could imagine at the moment. As soon as Robin had relieved her, she rushed inside for a hot shower after a brief stop in their room to grab a pair of warm pajamas and a robe.

She stripped off her wet clothing, leaving most of it in a soggy pile in the corner. Her bra, however, had been quite expensive, so she laid it out on a towel to dry.

She stood directly under the hot spray of the shower, letting her muscles thaw slowly. She would have been perfectly content to melt into a lethargic puddle on the floor, but someone was pounding on the door.

"Just a minute!" She enjoyed a few more brief seconds of the warm water before she hurriedly toweled off and then wrapped the towel around her damp hair. She tugged on the cozy, flannel pajamas and shrugged on her fuzzy robe to continued knocking.

"Nami, I really have to go!" Now that she recognized Zoro's voice, she was tempted to move slower, just because. She smirked to herself as she imagined him dancing from foot to foot outside the door.

"Keep your pants on; I'm almost done!" She rolled her eyes, scooped up her pile of clothes, slammed open the door, and breezed past the half-asleep, sulky swordsman. "It's all yours."

He grunted what might have been a "thanks" and pulled the door shut behind him.

Nami had just snuggled under a blanket and begun to slip into sleep when she was awakened by more knocking. Unlike before, this knock was quick and furtive. She shuffled over to the door.

"Couldn't this wait until morning?" she snapped without even looking to see who it was.

"Um..." It was Zoro again. He looked rather unsettled and kept looking to either side like he was afraid someone was going to catch him doing something he shouldn't. "Can I come in?"

"No. Say whatever you need to say, and then leave me alone!"

Instead of responding verbally, Zoro reached into his haramaki-apparently he even slept in it-and pulled out her bra. He held it away from himself, gripped furtively by a shoulder strap between his right thumb and index finger. He was eyeing it like it was coated in toxic waste or it might explode or decide to bite him.

"You, uh, left this in the bathroom..."

She probably should have been mortified, but the sight of Zoro had her giggling.

"It's just a _bra_, Zoro. It's not like it's going to hurt you."

"I know that!" he grumbled. "It's just that it was, you know, touching some of your naughty bits..."

Now Nami was outright laughing!

"Did you seriously just call them my _naughty bits?_"

"Shut up!" Zoro scowled at her. "You'll wake up everyone else! Is it so wrong not to want second hand contact with your breasts?" Nami stopped laughing and frowned at him.

"Do you find me repulsive or something?" She was actually rather offended.

"No! That's not what I meant! I'd rather have the real thing than a substitute!" He realized what he'd just blurted and turned a surprisingly bright shade of red. He looked away and thrust the bra at Nami again. "I just figured you'd want this back before the love cook found it and decided to keep it or Luffy thought it was a funny hat or something."

Rather than immediately taking the article and retreating, she placed a hand on Zoro's arm.

"Thanks. I didn't mean to embarrass you-or myself."

"Just take the damn thing back." He replied through clenched teeth, but she could feel some of the tension leave the muscles in his arm. That is, until they heard a noise nearby.

Both their heads snapped around to look in the direction of the sound to see Usopp gaping at the sight of Zoro handing off a bra to Nami.

"Go back to bed, Usopp," Nami directed in a strained voice. "This is all just a strange dream."

"I-it is?"

"Yeah," Zoro growled. "If you were really awake and had really seen this, you would already be _dead_."

"I'm going back to bed," Usopp obediently chanted. "This is all just a strange dream..."

"That couldn't possibly have really worked, could it?" Nami felt a migraine in the making.

"I wouldn't bet on it."


	2. How Many Straw Hats, K plus

**Title:** How Many Straw Hats Does It Take...  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Characters:** Sanji and Usopp  
**Words:** 1202  
**Prompt:** Light bulb  
**Rating:** PG/K+ (Sanji uses a variation of my favorite curse.)

Sanji had already finished tidying up the galley for the evening before the summer light faded to the point of impeding visibility. He thought he'd get a start on breakfast prep for the morning, however, so he flipped the switch to turn on the overhead lamp. This resulted in an unsettling fizzling sound and a pop but no light.

Conveniently, Usopp was still out on deck.

"Oi, Usopp! We have any spare light bulbs?"

"Hmm..." Usopp scratched his chin as he thought the question over. "We might have a box of spares in the store room. Can we look tomorrow?"

"Fine." Sanji let out a disgruntled huff. "First thing in the morning, though."

* * *

"First thing in the morning" became "after breakfast," but Sanji refused to let it become "after lunch." It took a great deal of searching, much sneezing due to dust, two splinters, and a barked shin before they finally found a box of spare bulbs.

Back in the galley, Usopp and Sanji both stared up at the cylindrical light fixture.

"That _does_ come off, right?" Sanji inquired.

"I think so..." Usopp tilted his head, hoping a different angle might give him some inspiration. "I'm really not sure how, though." He started to step up onto the table only to have his foot kicked back down.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sanji fumed. "People eat on that!"

"I need to be able to see the top of the fixture!" Sanji didn't look like he was willing to budge on the matter. Usopp sighed. "Help me move the table and I'll stand on a barrel or something..."

It turned out the table was _a lot_ heavier than it looked. They were forced to enlist the help of Zoro and Luffy, but then they hung around to watch.

A barrel alone wasn't tall enough, so Usopp balanced a small crate on top. That was better, if woefully unstable. Sanji wedged a foot next to the barrel for a bit of added support. It didn't help that Luffy kept stretching his arm over to poke the barrel. Zoro eventually took pity.

"Hey, Luffy, I think I saw a, uh..." Zoro floundered for a suitable distraction.

"Giant fish," Sanji mouthed behind the captain.

"Whale," Usopp supplied silently.

"Whale," Zoro continued, "off the port side this morning. I heard somewhere that they follow ships sometimes, so maybe it's still out there!"

"Really?" Luffy's eyes widened. "Awesome! Let's go look!" He dragged the swordsman out the door. Usopp sighed in relief and turned his focus back to the light fixture.

"I think moss head's spending too much time around you," Sanji commented. "He sold that whale story pretty convincingly."

"I still can't see the top, and I think that's where it must be attached..."

"Can't you just reach up inside and unscrew the old bulb?"

"I don't know; it's pretty narrow in there."

"Give it a shot anyways." Sanji shrugged casually. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Oh, I dunno," Usopp mused, slowly reaching a hand inside the opening at the bottom of the fixture, "electrocution? You _did_ turn the switch off, right?"

"Absolutely," Sanji assured. In truth, he couldn't remember. Making sure Usopp was absorbed in his task, Sanji inched away toward the light switch.

The good news was that he _had_ turned off the switch. The bad news was that he had been adding more support to Usopp than he thought.

The barrel rocked a little and Usopp lost his balance. He panicked and clung to the fixture when the crate slid out from under him. The fixture pulled loose unexpectedly, breaking the bulb as it and Usopp tumbled to the floor.

Usopp scowled at Sanji.

"At least you weren't electrocuted," Sanji pointed out. The broken glass was swept up and discarded in the trash.

Both men stared up at the base of the bulb, still stuck in its socket, a few jagged shards of glass still clinging in place.

"Now what?" Usopp wondered, absently rubbing his bruised tailbone.

"Hang on a minute." Sanji walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a sack of potatoes and began rifling through it. With a triumphant cry, he walked over to the counter with a rather shriveled, eye-covered spud in hand. He sliced the tuber in half and offered one of the pieces to Usopp. "Here, stick the glass in this and you should be able to unscrew the base."

"I don't think so." Usopp narrowed his eyes at the chef. "You do it."

"Fine!" Sanji scowled. "I will! You big baby..."

Sanji replaced the crate on the barrel and Usopp helpfully held the base steady. Sanji managed to get the potato to stick on the glass shards after several tries, but then he couldn't get the base to budge.

"Shitty bulb," Sanji groused. "Why isn't this working?"

"Did you remember 'righty tighty, lefty loosey?'"

Sanji swore some more and changed the direction he had been turning. Finally, the base came free of the socket. Sanji tossed it, potato half and all, into the trash.

"Hand me a new bulb, would you?"

"Just a sec." Usopp walked over to the counter and pulled two tissues from a box. He handed one up to Sanji. "I heard once that the oil on your fingers makes light bulbs burn out faster. I don't know about you, but I want to avoid having to go through this again for as long as possible!"

"Agreed."

Usopp gingerly pulled a bulb from the box, making sure to keep the tissue between his skin and the glass, and carefully handed it off to Sanji. The cook cautiously screwed in the new bulb and eyed it suspiciously.

"Try flipping the switch," he directed Usopp. The new bulb worked, but it was rather painfully bright without the filtering provided by the fixture.

"Ah! Retinal scarring!" Usopp wailed.

"Turn it back off, then!" They both blinked owlishly in the suddenly darker room.

They were just figuring out how to get the tubular shade back on when Nami walked in to grab a piece of fruit from a bowl on the counter.

"As long as you're changing light bulbs, could you change the one in the bathroom? It's out, too." She didn't seem to notice the expressions of dread on their faces. "Thanks!" she tossed over her shoulder on her way out the door.

Usopp looked like a kicked puppy. Sanji slapped a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry about it. I have a plan..."

* * *

Zoro grunted as a box was unceremoniously dropped in his lap. He opened one eye to see Usopp and Sanji giving him the same manic grin. The box was the one with the spare light bulbs.

"The bathroom light's burnt out," they chorused.

"Guess what?" Sanji nudged him with a toe. "It's your turn!"

"Have fun!" Usopp added before they practically skipped away.

"Weirdos." Zoro chuckled. "It's just a light bulb! How bad could it be?" A familiar shadow fell over him.

"Are you gonna change a light bulb, too?" Luffy asked. "I'll help!"

"Aw, crap."


	3. Play That Funky Music, K

**Title:** Play That Funky Music  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Characters:** Brook with Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper (Others, too...)  
**Words:** 1042  
**Rating:** G/K  
**Warnings:** I honestly drew a total blank on what to write, so this is very rambling and kind of crappy!

"But, Nami, it's a _festival!_" Luffy whined. "We wanna go!"

"I already told you; I have to be here to help navigate us through the canal lock system." A large expanse or coral reef stretched off to either side of the current island, so to avoid taking the long way around, a canal system had been put in place. "You three," Nami paused to point at Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper each individually, "are not allowed _anywhere_ without responsible supervision!"

"Sanji?" Three sets of imploring eyes slid over to the ship's cook.

"As _fun_ as babysitting you lot sounds," Sanji drawled sarcastically, "I have to get started on dinner. Besides, I promised Nami-san I would help with the locks."

"Zoro?"

"Will _also_ be helping since he owes me! You three really ought to be helping too, you know," Nami informed them. "Besides, I said _responsible._ He'd just get lost, leaving you to run amok!" The swordsman in question rolled his eyes, but refrained from commenting.

"Robin?"

"I've read about the canal system of this island. I've been looking forward to seeing it in action. Did you know these canals have been here for centuries? The technology is a recent addition, but it's interesting just the same. Maybe next time?" she offered as consolation.

"Franky?"

"Sorry, guys," Frank apologized with a shrug. "I want to get a look at this canal system's set up, too. Maybe I can pick up something I can use for an upgrade." He didn't specify whether he meant for himself or for the Sunny.

"I could escort them." Brook offered.

Nami gave him a skeptical look. The musician was often just as ridiculous as the captain, but he had also proved to be dependable when it counted.

"Yeah!" Luffy hooted. "Brook can do it! He's the oldest, so he's responsible."

Nami debated trying to argue with Luffy's logic for a moment, but then decided the tricky trip through the canals might go more smoothly without a certain energetic captain.

"All right, he can take you, but you'd better not make me regret it!" Nami warned, eyes blazing.

"I promise to keep a close eye on them at all times, though I have no eyes! Yohohoho!" Nami glared at him for the joke. "In all seriousness, I shall not let you down!"

"Good." Nami started to turn back to supervising the ship's preparations.

"I have one request before we leave, however." Nami looked over, expression darkening. "Might I see your-" Brook's three charges hauled him off at an impressive speed before he could ask the question that would doom their whole trip.

* * *

The festival turned out to be a celebration of the island's cultural history. Luffy was thrilled by the booths of traditional island dishes, Usopp enjoyed stopping by a stage where a storyteller was relaying folk tales to a crowd of small children, and Chopper made several purchases at an apothecary's exhibit, but the most pleased of all turned out to be Brook. Small groups of musicians wandered throughout the festival grounds, playing traditional songs on handmade instruments. It was clear that the island's residents had a deep love for music, and people in the crowd frequently sang along when their favorite tunes were played.

"They look like they're having so much fun!" Chopper observed as a particularly merry group of musicians strolled past. "I wish _I_ knew how to play an instrument."

"You could learn," Brook told him. "Like with anything one does, mastery takes a great deal of time and effort, but anyone can learn the basics."

"Really?"

"Indeed." Brook scanned the area around them, and had he any skin to produce the effect, his smile would have widened when he spotted a stall selling musical instruments. "Shall we start our own group of wandering musicians?"

His suggestion was met with boisterous agreement all around.

* * *

The trip through the canals had gone smoothly, and the Thousand Sunny was now docked on the other side of the island while they waited for the log pose to set. All in all, Nami was in quite a pleasant mood. Then she heard what was quite possibly the most terrible racket she had ever witnessed.

"Who's torturing small animals?" Zoro voiced the question several others had been thinking.

"Where is that coming from?" Sanji frowned and gazed inland.

"I have a bad feeling about this..." Nami pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

A familiar group of four came over a small hill and headed down toward the ship. Chopper had some kind of stringed instrument, Usopp had an accordion, and Luffy was enthusiastically playing a wooden recorder.

Nami had many, many things she considered saying, but she settled for simply asking Brook, "_Why?_"

"How could I deny them instruments of their own when they show such passion for music?" Brook defended. "My heart swells with pride, seeing such enthusiasm, but I have no heart!"

Nami lowered her voice so the boys in question wouldn't hear her, not that they could over the cacophony. "They sound _terrible!_ I knew I was going to regret this..."

"All they need is a bit of practice. Besides, I am happy to report that there was no trouble at all at the festival." The musician definitely sounded a bit smug.

The others all turned back to the road down which the group had returned. Sure enough, no angry mob appeared, even after several minutes.

"At least take them up to the gym for 'practice,'" Nami pleaded. "The sound won't carry as well." Nami turned to head back to the surveying room and her charts.

"Wait a minute, Nami!" Luffy called after her. "We wrote a song for you!"

"_You_ wrote it?"

"Well, Brook helped."

Nami looked at their smiling, eager faces and sighed. "Oh, all right; play it."

It really wasn't that bad; she supposed she had to give them that much. They could definitely use more practice, though!


	4. Dog Park, K plus

**Title:** Dog Park  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Characters:** Mostly Sanji, but Zoro and Nami also, and Conis and Su make a very brief appearance.  
**Words:** 2,033  
**Prompt:** Sanji obtains a dog and attempts to use it to pick up women to no avail.  
**Rating:** PG?  
**Warnings:** AU, though I've tried to keep the characters' personalities more or less intact, Sanji abuse, and consumption of alcohol.  
**A/N:** The end makes it seem like there ought to be more, but I can't make myself write it at the moment. Feel free to imagine further Sanji + dog fail.

Sanji paused in front of the mirror on the wall by the front door to his apartment to fix his hair and adjust his attire. Sure, he was just walking down to check the mail, but there was no excuse to look sloppy. Seeing as it was Saturday and he actually had the day off work, he wasn't in a full suit, but he was wearing a pair of nice slacks and a dress shirt. He took a moment to consider himself.

He was an attractive guy, right? He was polite-to ladies anyway-and had relatively few bad habits when compared to other guys he knew around his own age. He had a reasonably well-paying job at a respectable restaurant and was perfectly willing to spend his disposable income on whatever a woman might want.

"How am I still single?" he asked his reflection.

It had been suggested, tactfully by female friends and bluntly by male ones, that he had a tendency to come on a little strong with the compliments, but that wasn't really so terrible, was it? Who didn't like to be flattered?

He _did_ have to concede that he didn't often have much to work with, conversation wise, past that. Work kept him a little too busy to keep up with very much pop culture, so he couldn't really talk about television or music. He could talk up a storm about food, but that apparently wasn't a huge topic of interest to most. He really needed some kind of ice-breaker or something to foster interest. He'd think about it more later.

He locked his door behind him and noticed that his next-door neighbor had left his ajar. The guy didn't really have much of anything worth taking, but Sanji himself wasn't willing to create an inviting target for burglary. Zoro was probably just checking the mail himself and would be back momentarily anyhow. As Sanji was walking past the door, a dark shape wove between his legs, almost tripping him, and darted in the open door. Darn cat was a menace!

Sure enough, when he reached the mailboxes, Zoro was there, but he wasn't alone. Sanji couldn't help the rather goofy grin that spread across his face when he recognized Nami, who lived one floor above him with an equally lovely roommate named Robin. She was in the middle of some kind of discussion with Zoro, so he politely waited to greet her until they were finished.

"Come on, _please?_" she begged with a positively adorable pout. "You _do_ owe me!"

"No!" How dare he so rudely refuse what Sanji was certain must be a perfectly reasonable request? "Even if I could get the management to bend the one animal rule, Demon might eat it. Can't say as I'd blame him either, since as far as I'm concerned, that thing isn't a dog-it's a _rat._"

"We can't keep him in our apartment, though!" Nami insisted in a melodious tone that was in no way whiny. "It turns out Robin is allergic, and I promised my boss I'd watch Puddles while she's on vacation!"

"That's _your_ problem," Zoro snapped.

Sanji leapt at the opportunity to swoop in and aid the damsel in distress. "Is there any way that I could be of assistance, Nami?"

"Well... Would you be willing to take care of a small dog for the rest of the weekend?" The question was asked hesitantly; Sanji had made no secret of the fact that he wasn't a big fan of animals in general. He liked to keep things neat and sanitary as a cook, and animals tended to work against that.

Under normal circumstances, he probably would have politely declined or offered to help find someone else for the job, but he found himself considering it. Women liked small animals, right? There was a dog park only a few blocks away...

"People meet all the time at the dog park, right?" he mused aloud.

"Maybe in sappy chick flicks," Zoro scoffed, "but in _reality_-"

"Yes!" Nami cut him off. "All the time! So, you'll take him?" How could he possibly refuse that sweetly pleading expression? Besides, he was about to obtain an almost guaranteed ice-breaker that he wouldn't even have to keep if it didn't work out like he hoped!

"Sure."

* * *

"What did I let myself agree to?"

Sanji stared down at the quivering, bug-eyed teacup Chihuahua and sighed. Maybe it wasn't a total loss. Obviously the dog's owner thought he was cute, and surely there had to be a few other women that felt the same!

"Ready for a walk, Puddles?" The dog cocked his head to the side and replied with a noise somewhere between a whine and a growl. "I'm just going to assume that means yes."

He wrestled the tiny animal into his horrendous and totally emasculating pink harness leash with rhinestones. As if the poor little guy wasn't pitiful enough!

They made it about halfway to the park before Sanji got fed up with the slow pace of Puddles' tiny legs and easily distracted nature. He carried the dog the rest of the way.

The dog park was enclosed by a fence, and people were allowed to let their animals run around off of their leashes if they chose. The weather was beautiful today, and dogs of every shape and size could be seen, chasing balls or frisbees, sniffing other animals, and rolling around in who knew what in the grass. He tried unclipping the leash from Puddles' harness, but the tiny canine remained huddled next to Sanji's leg, shaking even more than he had been at the apartment.

"Not a very outgoing little bugger are you?" Sanji grumbled. He reattached the leash, picked up the dog, and carried him over to a bench underneath a tree. He'd just look ridiculous if he dragged the unhappy Chihuahua around behind him. A trail passed right in front of the bench, so a few ladies were bound to pass by them.

"Aww!" There was one now! "She's _adorable!_" Sanji didn't bother to correct the misconception. "How old is this little sweetie?"

Sanji never got a chance to respond. The woman had a small black poodle with her that began barking and snapping at Puddles. The woman apologetically hauled her surprisingly vicious pet further down the path, and Sanji was treated to a firsthand demonstration of how Puddles earned his name. Fortunately, the dog missed his shoes.

The next woman to come along was old enough to be Sanji's grandmother, and she was accompanied by a terrier that was equivalently elderly. She sat next to Sanji on the bench for a rest from walking and chatted about nothing in particular for a good twenty minutes. When she finally left, she knew which local market had the best fresh produce, and he knew a new trick for extra flaky pie crust. At least it wasn't a _total_ waste of time.

Two very attractive ladies jogged past with their dogs, some kind of retriever and a collie, but they scarcely had enough time to smile and wave before they were gone again.

He was about to call it a day when a cheerful blonde following after something that looked a good deal more like a fox than a dog walked over and took a seat next to him.

"What's your little guy's name?" she asked in a soft, bashful tone.

"His name is Puddles," Sanji informed her with his best charming smile, "and mine is Sanji."

"I'm Conis, and this is Su." She gestured to the silvery colored animal. "It's nice to meet you." She held out a dainty hand.

"The pleasure is mine, I assure you." He swept up the offered appendage and placed a kiss on the back. Conis blushed endearingly.

"I don't think I've seen you here before," Conis remarked. "Have you just moved here?"

"No, I've lived here for some time. I'm actually petsitting Puddles for a friend."

"That's so nice of you!" Conis smiled and Sanji began to feel that things were finally turning around for him. "You and your friend must be very close."

Could she be fishing to see if he was single? He certainly hoped so! "She needed someone to help watch Puddles at the last minute, and I always try to help out a friend in need if I can." He put subtle emphasis on the word "friend."

"I have a friend like you, always looking out for others. I bet the two of you would get along very well." Sanji felt a slight pang of regret that the lovely Conis was more interested in setting him up with a friend than giving him a shot herself. Oh well, maybe the friend was equally cute?

"You think so?"

"Oh sure!" She giggled. "He loves animals, too!"

Wait, "_he?_"

"It was wonderful meeting you, but I think Puddles has had enough excitement for one day." Sanji excused himself, forcing a grin onto his face to cover his disappointment until he was out of the park.

"I blame you," he told the dog, who only blinked up at him, expression blank.

As they headed down the last stretch toward the door of his apartment, Sanji tried to imagine anything that could make the day worse. A familiar dark shape darted from the shadows and lunged at Puddles, who only stood there, shaking and whimpering.

"I don't _think_ so!" Sanji blocked the attack with his leg and glared down at the black cat currently draped over his foot.

He knocked on Zoro's door with his shoe, since he had a nervous Chihuahua under one arm and Zoro's disgruntled cat, Demon, under the other. Zoro opened the door and quirked one eyebrow but said nothing.

"Take. Your. _Cat._" Zoro obligingly reached out and retrieved the pesky feline. Sanji and his neighbor weren't exactly the best of best friends, but they didn't hate each other like they tended to let on in public.

He must have _really_ looked like a wreck because Zoro said, "You look like you could use a drink."

* * *

Sanji sat on Zoro's couch and watched Puddles and Demon stare each other down. He hoped Puddles wouldn't pee on the carpet.

Zoro entered the living room from the kitchenette, two bottles of beer held by their necks in one hand and two saucers in the other. He handed Sanji his drink, then set one saucer in front of Puddles and the other across the room in front of the cat. He poured a splash of beer on each.

"You're giving the animals _beer?_"

"It's not going to kill them." Zoro shrugged. "Besides, the rat-dog looks like he could use a drink just as much as you." Puddles looked up from lapping up his beer long enough to growl. Zoro chuckled. "Looks like somebody's a mean drunk." After finishing, Puddles curled up and went to sleep.

"He's a lightweight, too." Sanji shook his head and took a swig of his own drink.

"Petsitting not going like you hoped?" The question was far less sarcastic than Sanji expected.

"Not even remotely," Sanji confirmed. The room lapsed into a relatively comfortable silence.

"Regretting your offer to help Nami?" Zoro asked with a smirk.

"No," Sanji reflexively retorted. Heaven forbid he should make Nami feel even slightly guilty for his bad dog park experience! Besides, in a way it _had_ worked. Women did talk to him, even if he didn't meet any relationship prospects. "Perhaps I just need a manlier dog..." he mused.

"You're hopeless," Zoro muttered with a roll of his eyes. Sanji was too caught up in his internal plotting to notice.


	5. Stimulant Abuse, K

**Title:** Stimulant Abuse  
**Fandom:** One Piece  
**Characters:** Principally Robin and Luffy, but the rest of the crew appears as well.  
**Words:** 1612  
**Prompt:** Luffy tries some of Robin's coffee.  
**Rating:** G  
**Warnings:** Nothing, really, unless the presences of Brook, Franky, and the Thousand Sunny will spoil anyone.  
**Author's Note:** Apologies to all who truly enjoy black coffee-I think it tastes _nasty_ without copious amounts of milk and/or creamer and sugar. XP

Robin prepared to sit down for an evening of reading, everything just so. She was alone in the aquarium bar, seated on the comfortable peripheral bench in the soft blue light of the giant fish tank mixed with the brighter artifical lighting, a combination she found less tiring to her eyes over extending reading periods. Sanji had sent down a cup of her favorite coffee in the lift with a small insulated pot that contained a bit more of the beverage besides, if she should want it. Best of all, she had a new book obtained the last time the crew had docked, and she was very much looking forward to losing herself in the yellowed pages.

The door suddenly slammed open, accompanied by a cheerful exclamation of, "Hey, Robin! Watcha doing?" Luffy ambled into the room and flopped down on the bench a short distance away.

"Reading," she informed him, though she suspected she may not get the opportunity to do much of that now that the captain was here. She hoped she didn't sound dismayed by his presence because she really did admire the would be Pirate King. If nothing else, he certainly always managed to be entertaining in his own right.

"Oh." He lowered his voice to a stage whisper. "Don't mind me."

Robin was certain he had the best intentions of not disturbing her-Luffy only ever had the best of intentions. However, she knew the young man was not known for being able to amuse himself in a quiet manner. Sure enough, he was soon scooting around on the bench surface, giggling at the squeaky sounds the leather made, making faces only a rubber person could and strange noises at the residents of the fish tank, and humming to himself while clapping his sandal-clad feet together. It was only a matter of time before he forgot all about leaving her alone to read and started a conversation, so Robin closed her book only a few pages in and raised her coffee to her lips.

"Say, Robin, can I ask you something?" There it was. She felt the corner of her mouth turn up in a slight smile.

"Certainly, Captain-san."

"Can I try some of your coffee?"

Robin was momentarily caught off guard. She had been expecting a question about some odd bit of trivia that had caught the captain's roaming fancy, maybe even an inquiry about her past before joining the crew, but she hadn't expected this!

"I'm not sure you'd like it." She preferred her coffee strong and black; there would be nothing to appease Luffy's sweet tooth or any of his favorite flavor, meat. It was also true that the exuberant boy had no need for the stimulant properties of caffeine. On the other hand, perhaps a taste would keep him away from the beverage in the future. Just a little couldn't cause too much harm, could it?

Decision made, she offered her cup. "You may have a sip-"

"Thanks!" Before she had even finished speaking, Luffy had stretched out his arm, snatched the cup away, and tossed back the whole thing in one shot.

For a few brief seconds, Robin thought he may not have tasted it at all, but then Luffy's cheery grin crumpled into an expression of disgust. He stuck out his tongue and spoke around it. "Eeew, Lobin! Zass iggy..."

"I suppose it is a bit of an acquired taste."

"I don't like it," Luffy declared, "but now I want something to get the taste out of my mouth!" He dashed from the room shouting, "Sanji! I want meat!"

Before the door swung shut again, Robin caught the cook's response. "No! Wait until morning!"

She finished the first chapter of her book and the rest of her coffee, then she decided to head off to bed for a few hours sleep before she was scheduled to take the second half of the night watch. There seemed to be a lot of noise coming from the men's quarters as she was heading up the stairs. Nami stomped out of their shared room and met her on the middle of the stairway. Robin followed her back down.

"What's all that racket?" the navigator demanded, hands on her hips. "Some of us would like to get some sleep around here!" When there was no immediate reply, she pounded on the door. "Answer me!"

Chopper appeared behind them; he'd come down from his watch post to see what all the commotion was about. He stayed back a few paces, frightened by Nami's often violent wrath.

Finally, the door opened a crack to reveal a frazzled Usopp. "It's Luffy," he explained with a frustrated sigh. "He's been bouncing off the walls-literally!" He opened the door fully, allowing them to see that the captain truly was ricocheting off every available surface, laughing merrily all the while. Franky and Zoro were busy trying to corral Luffy into a corner, or at least grab ahold of him, without any success. Brook was sitting dejectedly with Sanji.

"I don't understand it!" Brook lamented, staring at the violin in his hands. "My lullaby attack has never failed me before..."

"We didn't have a sugary dessert this evening," Sanji mused aloud. "I didn't notice any food missing before I locked up the galley, either. Where could he have found something that would have this effect?"

Robin sprouted a dozen extra arms from the ceiling and snagged Luffy on his next pass, pinning him down. He wriggled in her grasp, practically vibrating with pent up energy. She also slapped a hand over his mouth to keep him quiet for a few moments.

"It was me," she confessed. "I let him have some of my coffee." They all gaped at her.

"Oh, Robin," Nami said with a slow shake of her head. Robin was taken aback by her tone. It was one she'd heard the other woman use on many occasions, but it had never been directed at _her_. It was the tone she used to reprimand the boys whenever they did something particularly stupid with good intentions that came back to haunt them.

Zoro cocked a thumb at the rubber boy on the ceiling and asked incredulously, "You let _that guy_ have _coffee?_"

"I only meant to let him try a sip." She hated how defensive she thought she sounded. She was much more used to being on the other side of conversations like these. She didn't make stupid mistakes!

"Oh, Robin," Nami repeated.

There was a long awkward moment where they all gawked at her some more before they turned their attention to Luffy.

"It's _got_ to wear off eventually, right?" Usopp asked rhetorically.

"Someone's going to have to watch him until then to make sure he doesn't do anything _too_ crazy," Sanji pointed out.

"And to make sure he doesn't hurt himself when he finally crashes," Zoro agreed. No one decided to point out that they were actually getting along-there was a bigger concern at the moment.

"I'll do it." Everyone stared at her again. "I was responsible, so I'll take care of the consequences."

"Robin is so lovely and selfless!" Sanji crooned.

"She's just cleaning up her own mess, not making some kind of noble sacrifice," Zoro grumbled, glaring at the swooning cook.

"Don't you dare talk bad about her!" The moment of cooperation had passed.

"Bros, we just got it calmed down in here!" Franky reprimanded them but was ignored.

Before she could get caught up in the scuffle clearly about to break out, Robin dragged the captain out the door via a trail of arms.

"Are you sure about this, Robin?" Nami asked. "You don't _have_ to."

"It will be fine," she assured her friend. "Doctor, do you mind if we switch watches? I'm sure the situation will have resolved itself by then."

"Okay," Chopper agreed, then he scurried off to help break up the fight before anything, furniture or limbs, got broken.

Robin somehow managed to impress upon Luffy the need for relative quiet, and he managed to keep his laughter somewhat suppressed. She kept him busy for a short time searching the deck for hidden eyes and hands. He swung on the swing for a while, seeing how far he could jump from it and actually managing to get it to swing all the way around the branch once. They even spent a few relatively calm moments identifying constellations. However, everything seemed to eventually revert back to the young man running circuits around the open deck space at remarkable speeds.

Robin was beginning to worry that his metabolism must have been so changed by his unusual Devil Fruit that he might be affected far longer than a normal person when he suddenly stopped mid-stride and fell over onto the lawn deck, snoring softly. She ferried him off to bed, finally.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, everything appeared to be back to normal. Robin contentedly sipped her coffee and read more of her book among the usual background noise of a Straw Hat Pirate meal.

"Coffee tastes really bad," Luffy anounced, off-hand, "but last night was really fun. Could I try some more, Robin?"

The room fell dead slient.

"No," Robin answered calmly, not once looking up from her reading.

"Fine..." Luffy only pouted for a moment before he noticed an unclaimed piece of bacon and all else was forgotten. The others sighed in relief.


End file.
